No, No, Please Do Not Tell Me When You’re ‘Trying’
I have to admit that I’m feeling a bit of a bitch. My oldest friend (you know the sort, that you no longer see very often but when you do it’s like no time has passed at all) sent me a message last week to let me know that her, and her husband, obvs! Were now ‘actively trying‘ for a baby.
Now, please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m really happy for her, she’s about to enjoy the overwhelming love and stickiness that is motherhood. But, no, no, I do not want to know. I do not want to know that you and your husband are having sex. Of course, it’s perfectly natural for you to be having sex but I-do-not-need-to-know. She basically told me that they are no longer using protection and I proceeded to throw up in my mouth a little.
I tried to sidestep it, I didn’t really acknowledge that part but replied to all the other bits. I just didn’t know what to say, and trust me, I’m rarely lost for words. It’s a bit like we are planning to get engaged but with the added awkwardness of inadvertently picturing your friends shagging. Well isn’t that exciting that you are going to be having loads of sex. We’ve just started watching Game Of Thrones so we will be very busy too, obviously. I’m so happy for you, again, all the sex.
Please, just tell me when you’re 12 weeks pregnant (unless we’re very close).